Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
