Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
pray to the hookup gods
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
