I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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