He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
