i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
