i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
