none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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