My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
