Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
