her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
