Don't you send me to vm
Will you blow on my dice?
zippers are such a cool invention
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
