Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
