So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
