woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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