Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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