Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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