Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
