i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sext me about skeletons
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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