I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
