Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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