I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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