Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
