Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
