He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
