he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
