i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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