We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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