He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
