So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
