duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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