i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
