Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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