I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
