AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
