Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
