My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
