I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
