We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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