the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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