in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im part way to drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
