pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
