you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize