I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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