I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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