I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
