I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
