I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
