Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
