How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Enjoy the penises
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
