I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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