Yo dont text me then not text me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
