see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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