Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
