booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
