you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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