I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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