the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
