How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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