I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
