Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
