I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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