He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
