Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
