'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
