She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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