I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
