Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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