so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
don't judge my taste in strippers
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
