I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
